Writing personalized wedding vows is deeply personal and a meaningful way to express your love and commitment to your partner in your own words, as opposed to using a standard script that many weddings use. Whether you’re looking to create fairly traditional vows or inject some humor and personal anecdotes, the process should reflect the unique bond you share with your soon-to-be spouse. In this guide, we’ll explore ten tips to help you craft personalized wedding vows that will elevate your ceremony.
Reflect on Your Relationship
Before putting pen to paper, take some time to reflect on your journey as a couple. Think about the moments that have defined your relationship, the challenges you’ve overcome together, and what makes your love story special. Think about the things you love about the other, and consider the ways you support one another. This new step is another stage in your partnership journey, and that relationship is the reason we’re here today.
Consider Your Partner
Consider the qualities that you admire most in your partner and the reasons why you fell in love with them. Reflect on how they have positively impacted your life and what makes them unique to you.
Decide on the Tone
Determine the tone you want your vows to convey. Whether you prefer a more serious and traditional approach or a lighthearted and humorous tone, ensure that it aligns with your personalities and the nature of your relationship. If you’re typically a jokester, it won’t feel right if your vows are 100% serious. Likewise, if you’re a reflective person, too much laughter and punchlines wouldn’t sound like you.
If you’re wanting to bring levity to the vows, consider a funny story, hijinks or mishap you got through together that could illustrate how you’ll support each other through thick and thin. Maybe make a couple funny promises in between the serious ones, like vowing to put the toilet paper roll on the “correct” way.
If you’re wanting to be romantic and reflective, consider a heartfelt confession. Tell them things you love about them that are meaningful and maybe something they don’t hear all the time. Be courageous enough to spill your guts – when else should you be over-the-top lovey dovey than on your wedding day??
Make Personal Promises
Think about the promises or commitments you want to make to your partner. These can be specific actions, behaviors, or attitudes that you vow to uphold in your marriage. Be sure to consider the short and long term aspects of a marriage. Reflect on how you’ll support the other in the tough times, mull over what it will be like in old age, in having children, in raising a dog, all the things that you may overcome together.
Be Sincere and Authentic
Authenticity is key when it comes to writing your vows. Let your genuine feelings and emotions shine through as you express your love and devotion to your partner. Even if you’re someone who jokes around and you’re keeping it light and fun, have a few moments of sincerity. These are your wedding vows, after all. It’s important to have both in the balance.
Keep it Concise
While you want your vows to be meaningful, aim to keep them concise and focused. Aim for around 1-2 minutes when spoken aloud to ensure they are impactful without being too long-winded. Try to talk with your partner beforehand to agree upon a length, so one of you isn’t much longer or shorter than the other.
Consider Incorporating Personal Stories or Quotes
Add a personal touch to your vows by incorporating anecdotes or quotes that hold significance to your relationship. These personal touches can make your vows more memorable and meaningful. Think about your favorite memories, or poems/quotes that you connect to your relationship. Do you have a favorite movie or book you have connected over? Is there an experience you shared that is meaningful to you? Consider including those somehow.
Practice Out Loud
Once you’ve written your vows, practice saying them out loud. This will help you gauge the flow and ensure that they sound natural when spoken. You can see where there might be parts that cause a hang up as you say them. You’ll also be able to see about how long they take to read, and prepare for the emotions of saying those things out loud.
Get Feedback
Consider sharing your vows with a trusted friend or family member for feedback. They can offer suggestions and help you refine your vows before the big day. Be sure it’s someone who knows you both well. Sometimes people who also wrote their own personalized vows before can be your best feedback source.
Prepare for Waterworks
Finally, be prepared for the emotional impact of writing and reciting your own personalized vows. Embrace the love and joy you feel as you share this special moment with your partner. It’s normal and healthy to cry as you’re so emotional and vulnerable. Consider if you’d like to exchange these vows privately rather than in front of all your friends and family. This can allow you the freedom and privacy to express those emotions and be even more vulnerable and true in your vows. If you’re having a traditional wedding, couples today will often exchange these after the first look while you’re having some time alone, or during sunset photos if you didn’t do a first look. Of course and elopement allows this privacy on its own, too.
Remember, there’s no right or wrong way to write your vows. The most important thing is that they come from the heart and reflect your love and commitment to each other. Take your time, be sincere, and enjoy the process of writing personalized wedding vows.
